It's A Great Pumpkin, Ichabod Crane
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The red sweater and white tie have arrived, the pumpkin beer is waiting patiently in the fridge and all that's left to do is put that beacon of hope on the front step so those in search of the diabetes know they won't waste their time or steps if they come a knockin'. It's pumpkin carving time.
We put together a set of step-by-step instructions for your to create your very own Flying Dog Bat-O-Lantern at home. Let your neighbors know you are a card-carrying member of The Republic. Trick or treat.
What you'll need:
- 1 Pumpkin, size medium to large.
- 1 pumpkin carving toolkit, found at any drugstore on the intersection of every single street in the United States. #BigPharma
- 1 Flying Dog "batwing" stencil
- 1 candle (locally-sourced organic beeswax preferred)
- 6 bottles of The Gourd Standard Pumpkin IPA or The Fear Imperial Pumpkin Ale (For our purposes, these are interchangeable.)
Cut a perfect circle into the bottom of the pumpkin (Yes, the bottom.) Nice, job. Now open a beer.
After removing the circle, or anus, of the pumpkin, get all up in there and remove the guts. The pumpkin should feel smooth on the inside, with no hairy cobweb like chunks or pumpkin seeds, before moving on to the next step.
Tape your previously-printed Flying Dog "batwing" stencil to the pumpkin where ever you think it looks best.
Using the all-plastic pumpkin shank, poke holes through the outlines of the darker pattern and into the pumpkin. Then, drag the same tool along the lighter outlines of the pattern to make an indentation on the pumpkin without breaking through the skin. Pause as needed for beer breaks.
Remove the pattern, and use the infant-sized pumpkin saw to cut out the meaty portions of the pumpkin that are marked as the dark outlines. You should then be able to look into the hollow shell of pumpkin.
Using your Webelos training, take a knife and scrape the outer layer of skin between the markings of the lighter pattern outline. Minimize alcohol consumption during this step, and any other time you are using non-plastic cutlery.
Continue to trace the sharp point of the blade through your batwing outline until it's thin enough to allow some light through the remaining flesh. Be gentle. (Yes, that's also what she said.)
After consulting your local fire department for safety tips, light a candle. Gently place the pumpkin over the candle. Wizard and witches, roll up those sleeves before working around an open flame.
Turn out the lights and enjoy your masterpiece. Soon enough new friends will arrive.