This gem needs no introduction. Just keep in mind that names have been deleted to protect the innocent (and because one of the girls at said party was cute).

Dear Flying Dog:

I was recently invited to a "solar return" celebration (aka, a birthday party for hippies) that included acupuncture, tarot readings, and somatic psychology (whatever the fuck that is), along with a vegan potluck.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people living their lives however they like. To give you a little context, I prefer steak, booze, and not having to make a list of everyone's preferred gender pronouns (including "it") when I get my birthday party on. I work in an environment that leads to being able to recognize each of my coworkers' doodled renditions of male genitalia.

This party is also segregated into variously themed rooms. (I'm in the one reserved for drinking and arm wrestling, as opposed to the performance art one). The hostess knew enough to tuck me away inconspicuously and ask me to bring beer, but not enough to know that I would use that opportunity to passive-aggressively introduce YOUR salty-named brews to quietly undermine the extreme PC vibe.

Thanks for helping me offend a bunch of people that I love who could really stand to lighten up. 

PS - I highly recommend serving some Pearl Necklaces to a bunch of lesbians and trying not to bust a gut listening to them all exclaiming over how much they love them. Cheers!